Day 7 : Letter to an Ex ...

Who's my ex-boyfriend ?

I'm pretty bad for relationships ; never knew why. I think it's because I'm always dating with the "wrong" guy. I mean, everytime I was dating with a guy, I was thinking about another one, who already had a girlfriend or who didn't want me as a girlfriend because I was a friend ...
7 years after philosophy classes, I understand the notion of "desire" ...

Louis was the first. No, in fact the second. In Junior High.
Guillaume was the first.
But for both of them, I was 13 or 14 and was scared of kissing a boy ... Specially when all your friends are around ...

Then ... well ...I should have a relationship with Francis ... but we kissed only once during a party ... And when I think about it ... It was better like that ! This guy ?? WTF ! We have nothing in common !!

Oh no, I forgot François ... A month or maybe two during the last year of Junior High...

Francis ...it was ... well ... one year after High School ... It was good that we stopped after kissing during the party because at this moment I met P.A (Pierre-Antoine, so strange to call him like that !) ; and I was crazy 'bout him ! But, I won't tell you this story right now because you will meet him later, soon ... Don't remember when ...

Then Hugues. 4 or 5 months. The beginning was wonderful (we were good friends before) and then ... an old love came back in my head.

The last one, the one you're meeting today, Grégoire.

Grégoire and I met in 2007. We were both interns at UWe, I was in Promotion, he was in Legal.

We took our time. During a month, we took our time to meet, joke, help ourselves in our hard life as interns... All the other interns (3) were sure that something will happen between us.

The beginning, late November or early December 2007 was magical, like in a movie !
We both had hard days at work, and so, we were joking a lot with our professional email addresses (hum ... so good idea !! Playing with the risk of a real employee read this crazy mail !!) Emails like we were teenagers.
I needed that "games" because few weeks later, I would receive my diploma, which means : Your student life is over, now you have to find a job ! I was so scared : falling in the unknown !!

We talked about romance... And because it was Friday, he told me he will spend his week-end in Picardy ... I left, on Friday night, to go back home. He texted me because I left without a kiss... I told him that it didn't matter, and that to be forgiven, I'll take him at the train station on Monday morning. He was sure I will not do it ! But I did. And we kissed there, like in a movie.

We kept it secret, until the end of my internship. I visited the team few times after that ... It was still a secret. But some of the ancient intern (well they were still there, not me) had some doubts ...

He came with me at my Graduation Party. He met some of my friends. And, a month later, a Saturday night, he texted me to dump me. Because I was distant, we were not seeing each other anymore ... Blah blah blah. Bullshit !

I admit, I was distant. Why ? I was lost. My studies, at 22, were OVER !! I had to find a job ! I was scared !

I needed a lot of time to accept that SMS, forgive and forget.

I'm still single now, even if, since, I flirted with some guys, and kissed one of my favourites !

Here's my letter for him.


Dear Grégoire,

When you dumped me, I hated you during months.
I deleted your phone number, your MSN ID, and your profile from my Facebook's Friends.

Few months ago, or maybe a year ago, I'm not sure, you added me on Facebook. I hesitated to click "confirm", and finally did it, groaning.

Few months ago, you texted me, like that, to have some news. I didn't answer in the second, like I always do. I groaned, again, waited and answered.

You seams to have a successful life now. It's cool. I'm still looking for a job.
I never left for London, like I wanted to, when we met in 2007. I just left one year to Lyon, and I'm back in Versailles now.

You hurt me a lot with your text. Too bad. I wanted to give us a chance, because, for once, I had nobody else in my mind.

Maybe you forgot that at this moment I was living a hard time.... Maybe that's why I needed so much time to forgive and forget. You "abandoned" me ...

I know you're in China, or back. That's cool. I'm not dreaming about going there. I'm good with Europe.
I don't know if one day I'll suggest you to see each other.
It was 3 years ago. Well no, you dumped me in January 2008, so it was 2 years ago. But maybe I still have a wound with your name on it !

All I can do right now is wishing you the best for the future.

xx




PS : Ok, to be completely honest with you guys, another reason why I needed so much time is that it was the first time that somebody dumped me. Usual, I'm the one who breaks boys hearts ...