I need ...

a confession, I think !

This week may be the last working week before the annual holidays. So, from today til Wednesday, I have to finish Gary's tour and book a gig for Josh in Paris for October.

But, you know what... I feel like I don't want to do it now. 

I created my company in November. Since, I booked 9 gigs, had to cancel two. I won around 100 euros. Lost, well, I don't know, don't want to count.

On Monday morning, one of my Junior High friends called me. Since she graduated (around a year ago), she applied to a lot of job offers, had a lot of interviews, and is still unemployed. She called me Monday to tell me she has an interview today, in Lyon. This time it may be the good one, cuz it's a guy from her school, he needs a coworker. 

Since the call, I'm thinking about leaving Paris.

I thought 2011 will be a good year cuz it started so well. I had finally my driving licence, got a job, a lot of wonderful people around me, everything. And then, April. Lost my job, had to cancel gigs, and started questioning about myself and the people around me.

I'm suffocating in Paris. 

Yesterday, I spend the day re-writing covered letters, printing résumé, stamping envelopes (is stamping a word ?).

A Joker's Rage was supposed to come back in Paris in September. Ilo and I had to cancel the gig cuz the band is changing. Ilo told me that early June. They were supposed to play in York on June 18th and I wanted to go (it was before I start booking for the Fête de la Musique), the festival was cancelled and re-booked (it's in August I think). And they were supposed to play in Glasgow. But, Zakk was sick, the gig was cancelled.

A Joker's Rage was my first band, my first deal. And learning that some of them are quitting and that others are coming, it's hard. 

Jack called me yesterday to talk about Josh. I was supposed to book two gigs. Finally, it will be only one. I think I spend more time calling people to say "guess what, I'm cancelling", than booking a real gig. I'm so sad, and angry.

So, maybe Gary's gigs in Paris in September will be the last in Paris.

My to do list today is, finishing Gary's bio and sending it to the venues for September, and apply to all the job offers I will find outside Paris, and Paris area. Need to move.